In this episode, I’m going to be asking you a kind of weird question that I was asked and didn’t know how to answer. It had to do with challenging my beliefs around personal development, self-help, business striving, setting goals, and things like that. I’m curious to hear what you would say to this question, so let’s go ahead and dive in!
While on a date, I was asked an interesting question but was unsure of how to answer it. I’ve never been asked this particular question before, so it threw me for a bit of a loop. Let me paint the picture for you. I was dating this guy, and on our second date, we were talking about personal development. I was telling him how I enjoy reading personal development books and self-help books, and how it’s something I feel very strongly about.
I described a leadership development program I had recently done, and he wasn’t really open to understanding why something like this might be helpful. I was trying to comprehend why he felt like he didn’t need any form of personal development. He said something along the lines of, “You know, nothing’s really wrong with my life. I think it’s a good life.” I counteracted with how my life is a great life too, but it’s not that you’re necessarily trying to solve something or that you even have a pain to heal.
I think it’s always good to be better and to strive for more and improve yourself in many areas of life and business. Why would you not want to become a better human and continue to break through your goals?
So, I was sharing these opinions with him, and he said, “Yeah, but when is enough going to be enough?”
I did not know how to answer this question. Are we supposed to always be on this personal development journey and never stopping? Is there ever going to be a point that we reach where we’re actually content and happy? Is it possible to think, “I’m good, I’m fixed. I’m at the optimal level now.” I mean, does that ever happen?
Personally, I don’t think that ever happens, but I didn’t know how to answer his question. I didn’t want to scare him off and say, “You never stop. It’s always going to happen, and you could never have enough.” That honestly doesn’t sound very uplifting either. To think that you’ll never be able to be satisfied sounds so grim.
Of course, we all want to feel satisfaction and pleasure as well as happiness and fulfillment.
This question had me baffled, and I don’t like not knowing how to answer things – especially when I believe in them. I started thinking about this some more, and I feel that it’s not really about yourself so much. People talk about reaching optimal levels of performance and highest potential, but how do we know when we’ve reached that point? I don’t think that’s something that’s a fixed state of being.
I believe that our goals change and shift as we grow, and I think that this has to do with personality and mindset. Some people are not really comfortable with change, and they’re not interested in discovering what their pitfalls may be, let alone how to overcome them. I think a lot of times when people think about personal development they think of goal setting and see this in a materialistic way. I don’t think surface level things like appearance and possession is what it’s all about.
It seems like a lot of people have this misconception that personal development is about you in a superficial sense. Instead, I think it’s about becoming a better person for not only yourself but also the people around you.
I think that if you think you have no issues at all and everything is just peachy with yourself and your relationships, that you’re kind of in denial. That essentially means that you’re most likely putting the blame on everyone else except yourself.
If you don’t recognize that there are ways for you to grow as a human, there may be an underlying inflated sense of self.
If you aren’t open to improving yourself, then you are most likely putting the blame on others and playing the victim often when something goes wrong. You have the control to change your environment, yourself, and your current situation.
I don’t think we are ever going to be done with personal development until we see the world in a way we want to.
This is going to look different for every person, but I think when you have a bigger vision in place you’re not just thinking about yourself. What can you do to make a difference and make the world a better place? How is that all correlated together and how does that fuel us?
I love the feeling of being fired up and having a goal and successfully reaching it. Do I ever want to let go of feeling like I’m striving towards something? No, probably not, because I enjoy that feeling of satisfaction and working towards something. I think because I have a bigger vision for how I want the world to look that I’m able to show up in a better way for other people as well.
In breaking through my fears, doubts, and restrictions, I have the opportunity to inspire others, say things I wouldn’t have said before, do more speaking engagements, or have more energy to write a book. It’s a domino effect.
When you’re striving for your own goals, there’s always something else that’s going to happen outside of that – something bigger.
So why would you ever want to feel like you’re done with that? It’s almost a selfish thing to feel as though you’re finished and have no need for any further improvement or growth. On the flip side, I will say that some people do go to the extreme and laser focus a little too much. You have to still have spaciousness for flow and enjoying your life rather than only focusing on arbitrary goals all of the time. A lot of people over extend themselves, and as with most things in life, there has to be a balance.
So when is enough, enough? I’m curious to hear how you would answer this question.
(I’d like to hear if you agree with my thoughts, and if not that’s totally fine, too! Send me an email or post on my page and tell me what you think. Thanks for listening to this episode and I will catch you this Friday. We have another interview coming for you for Heart Behind Hustle, so make sure you stick around, and I’ll talk to you then!)
(If you like the episode and you like the show, please go to iTunes and rate the Kamila Gornia show – as you know this is a brand new podcast, so your views and ratings are so appreciated. Your feedback honestly means the world to me, so lets spread the Heart Behind Hustle movement into the world thank you so much, and I’ll talk to you in the next episode.)